Real Rain...

I want to be in the Midwest. I want to experience real weather, learn to hate the snow, and never be able to do my hair during rainy season. The desert is so hot and dry, and I actually get really depressed during the summer. I just want to move. Some times I feel like these are selfish desires, and some times I feel like God put them in my heart. I used to pray all the time that Jesus would give me an opportunity to move, and I've never really seen one.

I used to be very disappointed in this unanswered prayer, because it is a heartbreaking dream for me. My insides long to be there, and every time it rains here, well, I get to pretend that I am up there. Pastor Justin preached a really great sermon on prayer once, and he still brings this concept up every so often. The bible tells us that God knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and that he will satisfy them. God wants us to pray to Him, and spend time being opening our hearts to Him. I've prayed so many prayers about my desire to live in the Midwest, but I have always left out the key element of prayer. Asking God for something we want is easy, but saying afterward "but Your will be done" is extremely hard especially for me. It's hard to think that God's will has me anywhere but there, but it might. I may never get to live where there is real rain, and it never gets hotter than 90 degrees. I can pray all I want, and God will listen and love me for my crazy dreams. In the end, His will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Lessons

Sunday in church, Pastor Brent said something that I've heard plenty, but this time it really stuck to me. We, as Christians, love the idea of being servants, until we are treated like one. Lately, I've been frustrated with being told to do things instead of asked. "Pick that up" "Oh, fix that" "Do this" I've been going nuts over it and have been so fed up with being "taken advantage of". Then on Sunday, something hit me.. It was the Bible. God calls us to be servants, he doesn't call us to only be servants if people ask politely, reward you, or do things in return. He plainly, simply calls us to serve. Whether it's at work, with family, or with JD, I need to be serving. It doesn't matter how they ask, how they will think of me, or what they will do for me in return. The only thing that matters is that I am doing what God calls us to do.

Over the week, I made my 4 year old cousin 3 promises. I promised to take her to church, take her to Rubios, and go to frozen yogurt afterward. She didn't want to go to church, however, she did want to go to Rubio's and yogurt. I said no and I was pretty bitter about it. First of all.. She's four. Second of all, I should have fulfilled my other promises, and prayed about what to do the next week. I shouldn't be using bribery to get her to come to church with me. That isn't serving her, that's manipulating her. It's amazing how twisted we can become even in trying to good for others. If we truly don't put others before ourselves, and begin to see ourselves as less important than our brothers and sisters & little ones, how can we ever truly serve one another?

So Many Questions..

So, I have had TOO MANY questions lately... They just swarm and swarm my head like wild bees on a hunt for pollen. They want answers. Most of these questions have to do with life & living as a Christian woman. The other questions are mostly directed toward myself and my future goals. Those won't be answered any time soon.
As for the other questions, well.. I need a mentor. I need a Jesus loving, married, spunky mom who wants to help a 23 year old do life. I can have one million awesome girlfriends, but they won't measure up to the value of a woman who has already been through the things I am going through. When I need advice, I usually call one of my two aunts in Minnesota. They have always given me such amazing biblical advice. The problem is that they are in Minnesota, and I am stuck in Arizona. They have their own lives, and their own stuff. Sometimes they forget to call and check up. I'm going through so many changes and decisions, and as of late, I have been feeling guilty for bothering them. I wanted to ask a lady I saw in church today, but I decided to pray about it and wait. With all of this change going on, I feel like one of the healthiest and smartest things I can do is seek a mentor. :) Let's hope I find her.