I don't see the big deal anymore. I tried to.. Sedona is the usually birthday adventure, then a blueberry double cream pie, wine, and a Fred Astaire movie. Usually my florist at some point in the week, and the beloved day off of work where I do nothing but read and enjoy the cold. There is something so unsettling this year, about everything. Sedona was tiresome, JD was patient but slightly annoyed with the whole weekend, Marie Calendars sold out of my pie, and I fell asleep before we started the movie JD chose.
I had promised myself by the time I was 22 I would be out of Arizona. Minnesota was always the goal, but I wanted to be somewhere with weather, small businesses, and book clubs. I've become complacent. I love my church too much to leave. I love living in Tempe, and my job is pretty much the best thing I could have never asked for. My boss needs me, and I am comfortable there. Jd doesn't seem to want to move any time soon, and I'm not ready to put us on hold for a weather and climate change. My complacency isn't just affecting my goals; it's also affecting my money, my time, and my attitude.
My future is so undecided. Most of the people who I graduated high school with, are already getting their degrees. I'm no where near any of it, and I'm getting completely burned out. I don't write like I used to, I've lost my passion for missions, and I don't read near as much as I would like.
The funny thing is, I could easily have enough money saved, and find a new everything anywhere in less than 3 months. But I won't. Not until I can somehow get myself out of this place where comfort, stability, and fear don't rule my everyday decisions.
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